Is Your Marriage Stressing You Out?
Think back to the time when you
saw your future mate for the first tim e. Do you remember the moment you realized
this was the person you were destined to marry? If so, those
memories are special reminders of the excitement a new
relationship can bring and the euphoria that fills you up when
you've fallen in love. These are truly moments that you'd like
to hang onto for the rest of your life.
And
then, of course, reality sets in. It might have happened
during the first month of your marriage. Or perhaps
it happened within the first year. On the other hand, it might
not have occurred until five years into your marriage.
Regardless, you now suddenly find yourself under a great deal
of stress and you’ve trace the cause to your
spouse.
You may be having major tensions over finances,
rearing your children, where to live and so on. At times, the
friction may seem frivolous — such as engaging in a
knock-down, drag-out fight over who's responsible for the
overflowing toilet. Or you could have serious issues, such as
a disagreement on when to have a
child.
Certainly we’d all like our marriage to
be a blissful experience, but the fact is, marriage is a
situation filled with stress. There’s the daily
stress of simply trying to live together in harmony, in
addition to the occasional strains over various disagreements.
This tension could be magnified if you or your loved one has
been diagnosed with cancer or a serious heart condition. If
your child has been arrested for drug possession, the tensions
between the two of you will also escalate.
Fortunately,
much of the stress within marriage is completely manageable.
For instance, you can diffuse a great deal of tension just by
making a commitment to spend more time together. Many couples
benefit from scheduling a "date night" when they make sure
they spend a few hours alone together. The date night can
include dinner, dancing or just a walk in the park. The
important thing is to simply re-connect, and continue to
re-discover all of the things that caused you to fall in love
in the first place.
You can also find a way to
engage in some recreational activity together.
Whether it's skiing, using nautilus equipment or bowling,
exercise can be relaxing and can help you to better manage
your stress level. Exercise also allows you to see your spouse
in a different light — as a lifetime partner rather than a
competitor. In the end, you might just find that you’re both
happier and healthier as a result of exercising
together.
Another technique that can help you to handle
marital stress is to schedule a "couple's meeting"
each week, a time set aside for re-focusing on your
priorities, to discuss problems that might have come up during
the week, and to plan ahead for the coming week. There’s no
doubt you’ll have disagreements during such meetings, but the
important thing is to communicate and to do so
consistently.
But what do you do if your
marital stress becomes unbearable? The important
thing is to keep the lines of communication open between
yourself and your spouse. However, if you still find yourself
under a great deal of stress, consider consulting with an
outside party.
For instance, you could schedule a
session with your pastor in order to hash out the differences
between yourself and your mate. Or you might consult a
marriage therapist who’s an expert at helping to resolve
differences between spouses. You must recognize, however, that
such sessions require a great deal of work and emotional
commitment. You can’t expect to attend one session and have
your problems and stress go away immediately. It could take
months before you’re able to get your marital stress under
control.
Marital stress is serious business.
If you don’t deal with this situation effectively, it can
easily lead to divorce — a divorce you might regret later
on. Make a commitment to deal with marital stress as
soon as it appears so that you can work to ensure that small
problems don’t lead to bigger ones, which only serve to
exacerbate your stress. By following a few simple steps, you
can re-charge your batteries, reduce your stress, and fall in
love with your spouse all over again.
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